This past Sunday at Rhema South Coast Family Church was special. Ps Anthony Cassell and his wife, Alison, shared a powerful two-part message on family relationships, with a deep focus on marriage. Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, or trusting God for your future spouse, this word speaks straight into the heart of what it means to build strong, Spirit-guided relationships.
Ps Tony opened with a vivid picture: marriage is like a tree growing up through the middle of your living room. You cannot ignore it. You either take care of it, or you trip over it. That’s how central marriage is to family life. It affects everything and everyone around it.
The Bible says in Ephesians 5:31–33 that a man will leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Paul calls this a profound mystery and links it to Christ and the Church. Marriage is not just a contract. It’s a covenant that reflects Jesus and His Bride.
His Deepest Need: Respect. Her Deepest Need: Love.
One of the key truths from the message is simple but life-changing:
A man’s deepest need is respect. A woman’s deepest need is love.
Proverbs 12:4 says that a strong, wholehearted wife invigorates her husband, but a destructive spirit in the home wears him down. 1 Peter 3:1–2 shows that a wife’s godly character and honour can win even a husband who struggles to obey God’s Word.
For husbands, 1 Peter 3:7 is clear: honour your wife, treat her with understanding, and recognise her as an equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Scripture even says that how you treat your wife affects your prayers.
When a husband chooses to love his wife sacrificially and consistently, and a wife chooses to respect and support her husband, something powerful happens. The “love tank” stays full.
The atmosphere in the home changes. Intimacy grows – and yes, as Ps Tony reminded us with a smile – “sex starts in the kitchen”. In other words, bedroom intimacy is built long before you switch off the lights: through kindness, help, affection, listening, and small everyday acts of love.
Catching the Little Foxes
The Song of Songs 2:15 warns us about the “little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom”.
Those little foxes in marriage are often things like:
- Mistrust – morally or emotionally
- Financial secrecy or debt that’s hidden
- A lack of transparency
- Hiding things on phones, in messages, or in spending
If we don’t deal with these small issues early, they grow into bigger problems that spoil love and break trust. Healthy family relationships grow when we choose honesty, accountability, and openness.
COUPLE: A Simple Picture of Connection
Ps Tony and Alison used a helpful acronym to describe the connection between husband and wife: COUPLE.
- Closeness – making time to be together
- Openness – sharing hearts, not just information
- Understanding – listening carefully and showing empathy
- Peacemaking – resolving conflict, not running from it
- Loyalty – standing by each other, especially in hard times
- Esteem – building each other up with words and honour
Strong marriages don’t happen by accident. They are built, choice by choice, through this kind of intentional connection.
Four Pillars That Keep a Marriage Growing
Using the tree illustration, Ps Tony and Alison highlighted four pillars that help marriages keep growing instead of drifting apart.
1. Communication – The Basis of Marriage
Every marriage is an ongoing conversation. Proverbs 24:3 says homes are built on wisdom and understanding. James 1:19 teaches us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Proverbs 18:13 warns that answering before listening is foolish and shameful.
Good communication starts with active listening. Not listening to reply, but listening to understand.
Communication is also more than words. Touch matters. A gentle hand, a hug, a kiss – these speak empathy and connection.
Song of Songs 1:2 says, “Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.” Healthy marriages keep affection alive.
2. Exchange – Becoming One Flesh
Ephesians 5:31 and Genesis 2:24 both speak about leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh. The pastors reminded us that becoming one flesh is like two souls learning to live as one. It’s not instant; it’s a process.
The greatest enemy of becoming one flesh is selfishness. Philippians 2:2–3 calls us to be one in love and mind, doing nothing out of selfish ambition, but considering others better than ourselves. In marriage, that means putting your spouse first – not your ego, not your friends, not your parents, not your comfort.
Divorce tears apart what God has joined. But when we submit to God’s process, marriage becomes redemptive. God uses it to shape our character, heal our hearts, and reveal more of Christ in us.
3. Balance – The Key to a Healthy Family
1 Peter 5:8 tells us to be sober, well-balanced, and alert because the enemy looks for open doors. If our lives have no balance, our relationships suffer.
We need God’s grace to balance:
- Work
- Home and family
- Children
- Chores
- Leisure
- Personal time
- Time together as a couple
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there is a right time for everything. Balance brings joy and peace into the home, because time communicates value.
When it comes to parenting, Ps Tony reminded us that LOVE is spelled T-I-M-E. Ephesians 6:4 urges fathers not to exasperate their children, but to raise them with loving discipline and counsel.
Even in money matters, agreement and balance matter. Proverbs 21:5 says careful planning puts you ahead, while rushing leads to loss.
4. Agreement – The Power of Marriage
Amos 3:3 asks: “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Agreement doesn’t mean you always see everything the same way, but it means you stay committed to unity.
Jesus says in Matthew 18:19 that when two agree in prayer, heaven responds. Agreement produces peace. Disagreement without resolution produces strife, resentment, and unhappiness.
That’s why conflict needs godly handling. James 1:19 and Proverbs 15:1 show us how: be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; give gentle answers instead of harsh words. Couples must learn to “fight fair” – let each person speak, listen without attacking, and look for a win–win outcome.
Building a Legacy Through Family Relationships
At the end of both services, we were reminded: the secret to a happy marriage is not just feeling love, but choosing to care for love every day. Many couples stop investing once they “have” each other. But marriage actually starts there. It’s built over time through small, daily acts: a kind word, a hug, a message, a smile, a prayer together.
The question is: What legacy are you leaving for the next generation?
Your marriage, your parenting, your family relationships – they all preach a sermon long after the service ends.
Family relationships matter to God.
Your marriage matters to God.
Your future family matters to God.
Let Him lead, and your home will grow like that tree in the lounge – strong, steady, and full of life.
Prayer
Father, thank You that You care about our homes, our marriages and our families.
Today we bring every relationship before You — the strong ones, the struggling ones and the broken ones. Lord Jesus, be the centre of our households. Teach husbands to love like You love the Church, and wives to respect and honour as unto You. Heal the hurts, restore trust, break selfishness and soften every hard place in our hearts. Holy Spirit, guide us in our communication, our decisions and our daily choices, so that our families reflect Your love and leave a legacy that honours You.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
If you need God to heal, restore, or rebuild your relationships, you don’t have to walk alone. Our Endleleni community projects are one way we extend that heart of family into our wider community.
If you’ve never started a personal relationship with Jesus – the One who is the centre of every strong home – you can pray the salvation prayer and begin that journey today.
And if you need counselling, prayer, or someone to stand with you in this season of your marriage, dating life, or family situation, we would love to hear from you.
